The Lord is good!

Thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for us, offered help, sent condolences and encouragement!

My prayers were answered in that I did not have to wait very long for my body to figure out what was going on ending the pregnancy and completing it's process of restarting. Tuesday evening is when it happened. I prayed that it would happen before Jaelle's Birthday which was Wednesday and before Judah had to go back to work/school which also was Wednesday (for school and friday for work). So many, many things to be grateful for, especially in the all the little things that have happened and in realizing how much harder losing this baby could have been for us, grateful to be able to see some ways God has had mercy on us.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

Baby #4

"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, everyone of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:16

I've read this passage countless times but this week my circumstances have given meaning to it for me. I know and love well the parts before and after this section, "God formed my inward being, he knit me together in my mother's womb, I am wonderfully made and my frame was not hidden from you..." and the passage after "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more then the sand. I awake, and I am still with you."
I am sitting here as my cramping is slowly starting signally the start of my body shedding the rest of the pregnancy tissues and the "little unformed substance" in me. Processing, grieving, and now accepting it, it was shock and denial at first, I've always been (even a little conceitedly I admit) one of those women who were fairly certain that having a miscarriage would never happen to me. Yet here I am. . . I mean I've been blessed with three very healthy and normal children easy pregnancies with no complications. So shock that this was/is really happening. Denial that this was really a miscarriage, (it's just a fluke my body was tricked into thinking it was pregnant, there was no baby in the ultrasound, no baby was even formed in me. . . ) so yes technically the baby in me never formed into having it's body shaped, it limbs formed, it's organs beginning to develop It never got past it's cells multiplying, the endearing "baby blob" stage. But if I believe the bible (and I do!) then God's eyes saw our baby's unformed substance and the days that were formed for him or her were counted and written down in God's book. I know this baby is with God in heaven, I am sure that God has will be giving him/her a new body that's fully formed and in His image just as he has promised to give us new bodies in heaven.
Even though this sucks right now (the Lord knows and a few of my friends and Judah how much I wanted to be pregnant again, how excited I was for this baby) I also am looking forward to what God can make of this in my life. I don't for a second believe he wanted this or even made this to happen but he did allow it, he did allow our baby to stop developing and then to be taken home for whatever reason or reasons.

I still would appreciate your prayers as this process isn't over yet and I have signs of it starting soon. I know my first post (on facebook or emailed) may have been confusing as it was to me a little at first so feel free to call or email me I don't mind talking about it and I have a much better grasp of what is happening.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4